What to do when your spouse cheats

What to Do After Partner Cheats

Many of my girlfriends did this game and it never ended well. He gets a new car, you get a Mercedes. He got a girlfriend who is five years younger, you're dating someone ten years your junior. He takes the kids to the zoo, you fly them to Disneyland. The kids don't understand what's going on, and even if they do, there are no winners and the ante will always go up until it gets really nasty and you're explaining to the judge why you bribed Cirque du Soleil performers to come to your five-year-old's birthday "bash". Don't be the victim.

Very few things anger me more than the girl who plays the victim after she's been cheated on. What I'm referring to is the "Oh, I probably deserved it" mentality. You did nothing to "deserve" this. I don't care if you did everything in your marriage from burning his dinner to ogling the pool boy as he changed the filter. There is NO excuse for cheating. The minute you begin to feel as though "this is what you get" for marrying a man who's nickname in college was "hot dog," you're playing the victim. Don't make it physical.

No matter how much you desperately want and he likely deserves to have the crap beaten out of him, resist that urge. Trust me when I say, even a good hard okay, partially satisfying slap on his face isn't going to feel as good as you think it will.

12 signs you should dump the person who cheated on you

This is the person who has betrayed you in the most basic sense of the word. He has shattered your heart, but his shattered jaw is NOT going to make your heart whole again. Believe me when I say, paying a man named "Jimmy-the-Fist" is not going to help the situation any.

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If you must punch something, take a boxing class. Don't go all out Kardashian.

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Now before you reality-addicts start bashing me for this, here is what I mean; wearing clothes that look like you're doing a porn film, ACTUALLY doing an online video exposing your private bits, flirting with pretty much anyone and everyone for attention and blasting the private deets of this drama online. Yes, this means you, Queen-of-Tweeting how stupid he looked in that dumb tie he bought last Christmas.

Keep it classy. Reestablishing trust in your relationship will take time.

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Marriage or couples counseling can also help make ending the relationship smoother. Although counselors tend to try to fix relationships, they can help the individuals recognize when it is not working, and how to move forward in that direction as well. Method 2. Encourage your partner to be more open with you. Sharing more of your emotions with your partner and encouraging your partner to do the same with you will help strengthen your bond.

Make it a habit to confide in each other every day. I also want to say what works better for me and find out what you are hoping for. The best way to uncover what your partner needs, and let them know what you need, is to talk about it. If you are not sure what your spouse wants or needs, the best way to find out is to ask questions and listen. If you still are not sure, ask more questions. Is that what you mean? Appreciate each other.

Showing appreciation through sincere compliments is an important part of a healthy relationship. Make sure that you and your partner are aware of the importance of complimenting each other and that you both know how to do it well. Ask your partner to commit to change. If you decide that you are ready to move forward in your relationship with your partner, you should ask your partner to promise you that they will not follow the same pattern of behavior that led to the affair.

Ask your partner to articulate or even write out what that behavior includes and commit to change.

Establish consequences to deal with the possibility of another affair. Since there is a possibility that your partner may cheat again, you should work together to establish consequences for another affair. These consequences may include things like divorce or other repercussions. You may want to get these consequences in writing and work with a lawyer to make them legally binding. Know when to end the relationship.

Signs that the relationship may be beyond repair include: [12] Constant fighting Inability to connect with your partner Inability to empathize with or receive empathy from your partner Hurt and anger that does not subside with time Inability to forgive your partner. Decide if you can go on after cheating. Some can, and some cannot.

It is not about punishment.

It is actually about whether or not you can move toward forgiveness. Yes No. Not Helpful 2 Helpful Slowly and over time. It will depend on how he handles the situation. Is he sorry? Does he strongly state that he wants your relationship to continue?


What to do when your partner cheats

Ask yourself if you are able to forgive him. Not Helpful 1 Helpful 7. You and he have a lot of talking to do. You also have a lot of thinking to do about whether or not you can forgive. As a minimum, set the boundaries moving forward. Require that he stop seeing the other person. Not Helpful 1 Helpful 3. There is something wrong with this idea. Yes, you might be able to love and cheat, but is your partner also capable of it? Not Helpful 2 Helpful 4. I think I forgave my boyfriend too quickly for cheating, and now I still don't trust him.

What do I do now? Moving on often does not work when you skip steps. Forgiveness is a deep, long process. Healing is also a deep process that takes two people working at it. Not Helpful 24 Helpful My husband has been having an affair for the past five years, despite giving him an ultimatum and confrontation. I think he is still seeing her. What do I do?


It sounds like you might be hesitating and wavering on your position. If you gave an ultimatum that long ago, why haven't you followed through on it? You might consider personal counseling if you are unhappy and frustrated about the situation after such a long period of time. Best of luck! Not Helpful 18 Helpful A relationship is a relationship — gay or straight. The only thing that could be different is what understanding existed about exclusivity.

It is only 'cheating' if there was a stated and agreed upon understanding about sexual monogamy, whether or not there is a marriage. Not Helpful 6 Helpful Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Already answered Not a question Bad question Other. Warnings Keep an affair separate from the cheating partner's relationship with your children if you have them. This is between you and your partner, and you should not involve your children. Do not try to turn them against the cheating partner or use them to threaten your partner such as threatening to divorce them and take full custody of the children.

If your partner cheats on you regularly or cheats a second time despite seeming remorseful, you may be in a relationship with a player or a sex addict. In this case, you may need to end the relationship and move on. Related wikiHows. Article Summary X To re-establish trust after your partner has cheated, ask them to cut off all contact with the third party. Infidelity is one of the more difficult challenges a marriage can face, but it doesn't always mean it's the end. As you work through the aftermath over time, it will become clear how to go forward so that the next phase of your life , together or apart, can begin.

Learn the best ways to manage stress and negativity in your life. More in Relationships. Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback!

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